Attitude of Gratitude

I wanted to share this post weeks ago be decided to hold off until I had 30 days under my belt to report on.  Let me start off by saying that I love the whole New Year resolutions tradition.  I enjoy taking time to reflect on the past year and try to make some sense of events.  I also enjoy pondering the upcoming year and imagining the possibilities of goals/desires/wishes.

I have had my share of disastrous resolutions that didn’t survive beyond midnight of January 1st.  It has taken me many years to understand the real intent of a new year resolution.  Resolutions are not make or break promises that must be life changing.  They are more about self-reflection and a desire to alter some aspect of your personal life slowly and thoughtfully over a 12-month period of time.   They are not meant to be rigid nor are they a measure of your worth, desire or level of commitment.

That being said, I decided that in 2012 I intended to make a conscious effort to see the positives in my life rather than the negatives.  I knew that I had many things in my life to be grateful/thankful for and I wanted to focus on these items.  I am not suggesting that I wear rose-colored glasses or change my name to Pollyanna  (fear not, I am not giving up my right to whine/b*tch).  I also wanted to somehow share my attitude of gratitude with others.

I decided that each day I would reflect on a positive connection that I have had with another individual and I would send them a simple note thanking them for this experience.  I had no idea what I was setting myself up to accomplish.  It is one thing to think about a positive interaction with someone but a whole ‘nuther thing to actually act upon those thoughts.

So, here it is, 30 days later.  I have written 30 notes of appreciation/gratitude.  I have spent several hours looking up addresses and figuring out last names of individuals in order to mail them the notes.  The responses back from some of the individuals have been amazing.  A couple of individuals have called me to personally thank me for the notes and to tell me how much the notes meant to them.  I thanked one individual for dresser she gave my son and she called to ask if I wanted a larger screen tv.  Another called to thank me for my note and ended up ordering a few scarves.  My pharmacist called to tell me how much he valued my appreciation and how it really made his day.  I have been jotting down names of individuals to send a note to and it has made me even more aware how fortunate I have been to have had so many positive interactions with other people.

I’ve also realized how many times I take others for granted.  Oh, I have always appreciated my homecare pharmacist and I know I have said “thank you” at end of telephone calls.  But I never really told him how grateful I am for his consistently professional and accurate weekly orders of my hydration/nutrition supplies.

I have not experienced a day yet where I could not think of someone to thank.  My penmannship has improved immensely.  I am a little bummed because I can’t seem to find the supplier of note cards that have a delete/backspace button.  If anyone knows where to buy these cards, please let me know.

I am a big fan of challenges and would like to challenge everyone to make it a point to write a simple thank you note to someone this week.  I don’t expect anyone to join me in my 365-day challenge but I would love to inspire others to write one or two cards over the next month.  I will be posting about this challenge at the end of each month.  I am keeping a small notebook of those I have thanked and the date thanked as well as a short comment about why I thanked them… I am benefiting so much from this positive reflection exercise mentally.

There have been several self-help gurus who claim that you can change your life by changing your attitude.  While I don’t buy this simple viewpoint, I do have to admit that a few unusual events have happened during this past month…for example the tv.  I also received a letter from a dear old friend and enclosed was a check…desperately needed TIRES for the car!!!!    Probably coincidence but it certainly does open the door a little to the possibility that positive energy attracts positive energy.

Anyone else have a story to share share about the benefits of positive thinking?

Meanwhile, I am not doing so good at putting a positive spin on my upcoming visit to the surgeon on Thursday.  His aggressive approach is PAINFUL and the discomfort is still present from last week’s visit.  His treatment does not seem to have made much of a difference.  It makes me uncomfortable to simply think about voluntarily going to his torture chamber to receive pain.  I am not sure how to put a positive spin to this upcoming event.  Based on last week’s visit, I can assure you that he won’t be receiving a thank you note from me anytime soon.

 

Shoot me next time…

I have come to the conclusion that surgeons (general or plastic) are definitely not people-oriented individuals.  I saw the plastic surgeon on Monday regarding issues with my stoma (tube insertion site).   He said that an aggressive treatment of silver nitrate over a few weeks should help.  What he didn’t explain was that “aggressive” meant that he would be inflicting severe pain as he jabbed and poked the silver nitrate stick in and around the j-tubing.  OMG getting stabbed or shot could not have hurt more than what he did.  I swear my heart stopped beating at one point.  I am still in considerable pain at the stoma site.  I am supposed to return for treatment #2 next Thursday….it is going to take a lot of courage to keep this appointment.  It makes me very uncomfortable even thinking about voluntarily walking in to be subjected to his “aggressive treatment” again.

If this treatment doesn’t work, do you think they will let me shove a silver nitrate stick into him????

 

I’m back…time to duck and cover

***Warning – this blog contains mental images that will amuse or repulse you depending on your level of maturity/immaturity****

But first…the latest medical updates.

I have my daughter’s old laptop and I am now able to get back online without worrying about further irritating my stoma site.  Even after limiting my sitting at computer, sitting in car….sitting upright doing anything and limiting my movements I have still needed to see my doc for silver nitrate (searing) of the stoma site weekly.  It has been a constant source of pain and discomfort.  I see a surgeon on Monday to discuss options to relieve some of the cause for the stoma irritation and granulation of tissue at the site.

Passed video swallow test on Wednesday even though I vomited all liquids immediately after swallowing (technician was so sweet even though she the reason for the repeated swallow/vomit/swallow/vomit).  Passing the test which was not necessarily a good thing.  Unfortunately the test reveals that there is no problem with the initial swallowing which means that the problem seems to remain with the esophagus.  This is a not-so-great result because it also means there are no new treatment options to try.

Had a wonderful visit with infusion nurse during the hour long iron infusion on Thursday.  Even the taste of rusted nails didn’t overshadow our delightful conversation.

I’ve been getting more adjusted to my new routine and I still chafe at having to really plan out my time carefully so I am back to hook up for the 2 1/2 hours around noon.  There are so few “free” hours off pump in which to try to fit in errands, shopping, doc appointments, infusions, and yes…even the rare but much cherished visit with friends.  I find that at 8am once unhooked I am out the door.  Back home at 11am and then free again from 3pm – 5pm.  I hate days when I have to hang around the home while waiting for a medical delivery.  More times than not, the delivery arrives in late afternoon.  It is tempting to leave in the morning but sometimes the delivery comes early and it would not be in good form to not be there to sign for delivery.

Meanwhile, my list of things to do gets longer as they often get bumped to next day/next week because I simply ran out of time or to be more accurate – others have exceeded their allotment of time and infringed on my time.  I try not to be impatient when someone takes a little too long in a line…I struggle not to tap my feet and mutter “tic-tock, tic-tock…time is wasting and I don’t have time for you to slow me down.”

What is up with some women needing to carefully put everything back in purse in such a precise manner.  I swear that they practically have to be sorting their change by the dates on the coins.

EXCUSE ME…Dump everything QUICKLY into  your purse and get out of my way thankyouverymuch.

When the purse overflows it is all the excuse one needs for a new purse.

(like you actually need an excuse for a new purse).

It should be against the law for anyone to even think of counting out their change when paying.  That is why there are piggybanks and coin machines…you aren’t really supposed to USE the coins….just save them and cash them in for real paper money which can be used without screwing with the earth’s orbit.  In addition, what is up with people still WRITING checks at a store???  I thought that was outlawed years ago?!  Hello people “swipe-and-go” and get out of my way.

Damn near went ballistic when the one woman spilled her purse and, after taking her sweet time about picking everything up, she had to go on and on about it with the cashier (who, I may add, participated in the woman’s insipid blather).  Whatever you do, do not try to engage me in some inane small talk fabricated to try to cover your desire to dwaddle.  I will…

…coldly stare daggers at you

…heavily sigh and roll my eyes

…look pointedly at my wrist and tap the pretend watch

…mimic some foreign language to further discourage any additional comments

…shake head and start counting out loud

…say in my best impersonation of Gollum (Lord of the Rings) “We tolds him to go away… and away he goes, Precious! Gone, gone, gone!”

…quote Anthony Hopkins aka Hannibal Lecter “A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti” and the famous fffft fffft ffft

…smile sweetly and announce I just felt a hemorrhoid burst

…grunt and say “hold your breath before you smell my toots”

…flick a booger in their general direction

I try to think of new things each time so I can at least amuse myself at their varying reactions.  If you have any ideas please pass them along *wicked grin*

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

I hope this blog post finds everyone enjoying health and happiness.

Yeah yeah…I know it has been too long since last post.  My kids have been home from school break and my computer time has been severely limited due to irritation with the j-tube insertion site (stoma).  Sitting at the computer (sitting upright for any activity irritates the stoma.  I’ve had to have several silver nitrate treatments and I am scheduled for another tomorrow (Jan 4th).  I hope to be receiving my daughter’s old laptop soon and then I will be able to post more regularly because then I can be posting when hooked up to feeding tube and reclined on loveseat.

I’ve been mulling over some issues recently and been doing a lot of reflection.   I have some good goals and ideas for 2012 and I will be posting about those soon.  I also have given myself a new challenge and will be devoting an entire blog to this really really soon (I know, it IS  hard to wait but be patient).

Countdown to the end of the Mayan calendar begins….what do you believe?  End of world or simply end of a calendar?  Will you do anything differently this year because of the looming doom of 2012?