No Holiday Weight Gain

For the first time in a zillion years, I did not gain any weight over the holidays!  Okay, so I realize that this year it was beyond easy and had nothing to do with will power or good eating habits….BUT…why not celebrate the little things?

I do confess that I did indulge in some items (chew and spit) for a mouthful of flavors.  Do you have any idea how hard it is not to swallow chocolate, peanut butter fudge?  I think it takes more will power to “spit” then it does to avoid the food item altogether.

I am finding that I am craving either very spicy foods or cold fresh flavors (oranges, cucumbers, etc.).  Because I am doing the “spit and chew” I don’t feel satisfied and it is often frustrating after because I am still wanting more.

I’ve considered the possibility that my current situation could remotely (or maybe not so remotely) end up being my new normal.  Maybe I am finally finding some acceptance to how much my life has been altered in the last year and how the current isn’t nearly as bad as things have been in previous months.  I am really glad I agreed to the TPN, it has indeed had a positive impact.  It’s not perfect and it certainly isn’t what I want to continue for the next 40 some years, but if it were to turn out that way – I could live with it.

There is some inner peace that comes with this acceptance.  I am still going to keep seeking a better “normal” but at least I now know that I have an acceptable alternative.  The only downside would be the very real likelihood that full-time employment may not happen again.  This is not something I am ready to consider yet.

Eat well and enjoy the tastes of the season.  Next time you hesitate to nibble on that oh-so-yummy treat – don’t – eat it with gusto.  Savor the flavor.  Limit yourself on the quantity but not the experience.  As you finish chewing and just before you swallow, think of me, then swallow and enjoy!

(For the record, this is the most number of times I have used the word “swallow” that did not have anything to do with anything sexual.  Just  an observation, mind you.)

Zombies and Ice Spiders

My friend Jenn writes reviews about B horror movies.  She also writes screenplays, is a stand up comedian, and teaches about the film industry.  I’ve never really watched B horror flicks until recently when my 15-year-old son and I watched Ice Spiders.  It was horrible.  We loved it.

Since then we actually seek out these poor acting, bad writing, terrible special effects – but oh so plausible story lines.  We have become “fans” if you will to the B horror flicks.

Last night we stayed up late so we could watch Bone Snatcher – all about some ancient oily goop creature who sucks flesh off of humans then uses the bones to give himself form.  It was so bad it was good…well…maybe not good but easy to mock.

It is nice to have something special to share with my son.  He has already got me addicted to UK’s Top Gear (I adore Richard Hammond, Capt Slow and Jeremy).  I want to be The Stig.

He also appreciates good food so what I can’t eat, he can and he enjoys it very much.

I’ve found myself doing more of the “chew and spit” simply to be able to at least taste food.  It helps some but I am continue to be left feeling unsatisfied.

At least this year I won’t have to worry about packing on any holiday weight – there is a silver lining if you look long enough.

Now this is amusing…

There is a feature to this blog site that allows me to see what search phrases have led people to my blog.

I was looking at the recent search phrases and one of them struck me as amusing.  Do you think you can figure out which phrase it was?

total gastrectomy message board	1
total gastrectomy blog	1
life after stomach cancer	1
what is life like after gastrectomy?	1
life after gastrectomy	1
living after a gastrectomy	1
is there life after stomach cancer	1
running after total gastrectomy	1
my turds are white	1

 

Another hospital visit…but luckily not mine!!

I was very pleased to return a very special favor to a good friend.  She needed a ride to the hospital for a routine colonoscopy.   Considering that I have already “been there/done that” I was able to keep her thinking positively.  Everything turned out okay and she tooted her way home in my car blissfully mellowed from the medications.

I will be planning another hospital visit myself…unfortunately.  I will be meeting with the surgeon on January 13th to discuss when to plan the 2nd surgical intervention.  My case was presented to the group of GI docs and surgeons last week.   It was a doctor group consensus that I have a partial blockage that needs to be resolved.  This will solve part of the problems I have been struggling with over the past year.  I am currently on a low starting dose of a  medication that might address the other problem – esophageal spasms.   The medication has a downside of lowering blood pressure and mine is already a little low.  Today, they upped the dose so if there are going to be problems they will probably be present soon enough.

They also bumped me from12-hour pump cycle back up to a 14-hour pump cycle because I was having some serious sugar crashes during the time off the pump.  So, I will be monitor both my blood sugars and my blood pressure a couple times a day.

I am plugging along on TPN/iv nutrition.  I’ve had problems with swollen joints, water weight gain, hair loss, bruises, cold feet and hands, sore muscles…..but I know it make take some time to tweaking my formula.  I am trying to start a very light exercise program right now to build up so much of the muscles lost during the last year. I do have a little more energy during the day – I only have short cat naps now and then instead of sleeping for hours at a time.

I’ve decided not to post anymore about the surgical issue until after I meet the surgeon on the 13th of January.  DON’T PANIC!  I will still be posting but not about the upcoming surgery.  I am not in a good place about the surgery and my chances for “complete recovery”.  I will chat about this more after I meet with the surgeon.  Right now, I just want to keep my mind focused on other things.  I need the mental strength about for the holidays.  They are going to be draining me as it is – emotionally, physically and financially.  Today is the last day of school for 2 weeks for the boys…oh joy…I wonder how many minutes it will take until I hear the all-to-familiar “I’m so bored”.

I will be posting daily – my goal!  These will be general postings about my observations of the world around me.  I think you will enjoy my twisted displays of humor.

The Flavor of Nutrition

TPN (IV nutrition) does not come in different flavors.  But, what, you ask, does it taste like.  Okay, so on a serious note, it goes in the vein and I don’t taste a thing.  But I can tell you what it TASTES like.   Yes, that is right, out of curiosity, I tasted it (just a drop on the end of my finger).  How do I describe the taste?  Let’s just say that the older boy was laughing his butt off at the expression on my face.  The taste is a cross between ear wax (don’t ask – for reasons that will remain unwritten – we will not be discussing how I know what ear wax tastes like), vinegar, and just a hint of stale bread.  Due to the lipids there is a slightly oily aspect to it which simply means that it doesn’t leave your mouth immediately – in fact it sorta lingers on the tongue.

Other than that, not much to report.  I saw my primary care physician on Monday.  Received my monthly B12 shot.  He’s a wee bit concerned over my fluid retention and a couple of the blood lab numbers – but unfortunately didn’t have much to offer regarding bile vomit and “what is next”.

Had a disturbing email back and forth with the GI doc today.  He stated “I am of the opinion that the only thing that will help you is surgical.  We didn’t have a chance to discuss you at the recent meeting as it was canceled for the holidays.”

Surgery?  Aren’t there other options to try first?  What would the surgery address – slow bowel or esophagus issues?  What type of surgery – exploratory? I asked because I’ve not had anyone tell me what is really wrong.  I don’t feel that surgery should be considered until someone definitively knows what is wrong and that all non-invasive options have been tried.  (This doc has not seen me since July – he and I email each other.)

He then said that the ball is back in the surgeon’s court.  Gee, I feel like a tennis ball getting bounced back and forth between the two docs.  The GI doc says obstruction but the surgeon says no obstruction.

I made an appointment with Dr. S (clinical nutrition) for next week.  Hopefully, I will get some clarification from him.  He is also the one that suggested the case discussion so, hopefully, he can tell me when the next meeting will be and if my case will be discussed then.

Oh, and would you believe that the GI doc actually had the balls to write in his email to me “we’ve gone back and forth with email and it is much less personal but given my schedule it honestly makes my practice sustainable. However I think we should definitely sit down in clinic and go over things. When are you available this month?”

Excuse me but when did doctors start discussing the sustainability of their practice with patients?  (Okay, so the whole “this month” ticked me off – but why should I be told about the sustainability of his practice?)  I have insurance – it’s not like he is being asked to provide his services for free.

I’ve always had respect for doctors – but lately that respect is really being tested by the ones I have encountered.  It’s like the rheumatologist who told me to make an appointment with her regarding my sarcoidosis joint issues AFTER I get my gastric problems resolved.  Hello?  What does my “gastric problems” have to do with aching joints and arthritis?

Doctors are like flavors – some are enjoyable and others are like liquid nutrition – you need them but they leave a bad after taste.